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20110731
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just finished airing -- >> a year ago. >> jon: two years ago. >> a year ago. >> jon: but you held on to it fine wine. you wanted to age the show. >> i wanted to ride that baby as long as i could. listen, i didn't know i was going to get spiderman. i am going to ride that into the ground. >> jon: is that why it happened. >> i got spiderman so i quit rescue me. >> jon: you got spiderman. >> that will make a great movie franchise. you can't catch the premier of rescue me wednesday on 10:00 on fx this is the final season. >> this is it, baby. >> jon: what are you, seriously like [bleep] tellee savalas all of a sudden. >> yeah, with hair. >> jon: you can also see denis learing and friends on the thinning the herd tour. >> oh, that's right, i'm on tour. >> jon: wednesday night at -- >> you can read this why can't you reads one of tease books when they come out. >> and at the these never new jersey july 15th. denis leary. (cheers and applause) >> jon: that's our show, join us tomorrow night at 11:00. kid rock is going to be here. here is your moment of zen. >> the defense is sloppy and t
possible but that's not possible all over the place. >> jon: do we have unrealistic expectations about the idea of rebuilding countries that we in some ways helped unbuild? ( laughter ) >> look, in afghanistan, we helped drive the soviets out of there. we pulled out of there in 89, 90 91. we know what happened in the next 10 years, the people in expwafg in terms of 9/11. i don't think we want to go through that again. if that means we have to keep 100,000 troops there forever, it's a war that was underresourced under president bush. president obama did the right thing, i think, in surging there and i think we can draw down as long as we do so responsibly. it's not easy, though, and there's no one solution for each part of the world, obviously. but we can't turn our backs on the world, jon. i know you would like to. i don't want to fight a strawman here. >> jon: i'm very fond of the world. ( laughter ) i don't want people to get hurt-- >> and the world is very fond of you. >> jon: right now, the military and military families are bearing an overwhelming weight of these wars, and i
, former obama ambassador to china. and current crest white strips after-photo jon huntsman got in the race. jim? >> i'm jon huntsman, and i'm running for president of the united states. we're not just choosing new we're not just choosing new leaders. we're choosing whether we are to be yesterday's story or tomorrow's. >> stephen: of course jon huntsman intends to be tomorrow's story. because for him, yesterday's story is, "hey, i work for barack obama." [laughter] and then huntsman perfectly described true americans. >> people secure in their rights and in love with their liberty. >> stephen: yes, i'm passionately in love with my liberty! i'd say i lust for it. [laughter] we have a very vigorous physical relationship. liberty and i. sometimes we role play. she dresses up as socialism and i spank her with a rolled-up constitution. [laughter] and even though she doesn't always reach happiness, she's assured me that just pursuing it is good enough. [laughter] [cheers and applause] so i like him. only problem is, huntsman has a face and a name. and right now, obama leads all specific republica
is over. >> jon: not at all. great to see you, man. >> thanks for having me on. >> come back and see us again some time when you're putting together anything excited we need to know about. >> no, pretty much just wanted to come on the show for the people that really hate me. some people just don't like anything about me. i'm still here. can i tell you something? >> jon: he's a very pleasant man. fun at parties. that is correct, as well. "born free" is in the stores right now. you can catch kid rock on tour. you can buy bad ass beer. you can only buy it in singles, though, unfortunately. >> only in michigan. >> jon: only in michigan and only in singles. good to see you. kid rock. [cheering and applause] what's up, smart? oh, just booked a summer vaycay. ooo. sounds pricey? nah, with the hotels.com summer sale, you can find awesome deals for places nearby. interesting... wow, i'm blown away. you look great. hotels.com summer sale, save up to 30%. and get a free kindle. hotels.com. be smart. book smart. >> jon: that's our show. join us tomorrow night at 11:00. another guest will be here. [
takes a decade to do that. >> jon: we'll be here then. if they fight for a decade that should be all right. we're all going to die! [laughter] >> it's been three years we haven't done anything. you have to address it at some point. you would hope a private mortgage finance system well functioning. you have to have it well regulated and if you have that you have a much better functioning economy afterwards. >> jon: one word yes or no is that -- there any possibility in this universe that that gets done? >> 50/50. >> jon: "guaranteed to fail" it's really disturbing. get it. the new droid incredible 2. i could use a smartphone with social apps to stay up on what my friends are doing. and it's global, so i'll know what they're doing while they're doing it, even when i travel. i'll have to act surprised when they tell me stuff. i don't have a good surprised face. maybe i can look up videos of surprised people on my new phone for reference. yep, i really want that phone. upgrade to the new droid incredible 2 by htc2@ with global capabilities for only $149.99. now on america's largejç, mos
in hollywood movies. [laughter] >> jon: so in this moment you're somewhat disappointed it's not as gory as you saw, not quite as splurty as what you'd been led to believe? >> well, i figured i had... i was like, wow, i got a lot of time. it's not bleeding that bad. but i guess with the traumatic injury, the nerves tuck back and all the adrenaline and... i didn't feel any pain. so i grabbed... i went to my military training, grabbed my tourniquet and was able to apply a tourniquet, get on the radio and continue telling my leadership what was going on. >> jon: you applied your own tourniquet. >> yes. >> jon: and stayed in command of... wow. i mean, i'm honestly speechless. it's a remarkable story, and the one thing, as remarkable as the heroism in that is, is your remarkable heroism and your brothers and all the service people, as extraordinary as your acts were, what's really extraordinary is your ordinary service, the six tours in afghanistan and the two tours in iraq and all that you've done without commendation. i'm so pleased and honored that you would here today. i just wanted to thank you
>> jon: that's our show. here it is, your moment of zen. ♪ ♪ captioning sponsored by comedy central captioned by media access group at wgbh access.wgbh.org >> stephen: tonight the fcc rules about whether i can talk about my pac on the air. spoilary all right, i'm talking about my pac on the air. then, can we trust pakistan to find out i'll close my eyes and fall into their arms. (laughter) >> stephen: and my guest timothy garton ash believes reporting the facts can change the course of history. then again, so can wikipedia. a french couple has adopted a 265 pound gor la. and in tomorrow's news, a french couple is malled by newly orphanned gor la. this is "the colbert report." captioning sponsored by comedy central ( theme song playing ) ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: welcome to the report, everybody! thank you for joining us. thank you, everybody. stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! >> stephen: beautiful, thank you so much, everybody. you're too kind. (cheers and applause) >> stephen: folks, thank you, thank you here, up there, i want to say i had to a
[cheering and applause] >> jon: that's our show. join us tomorrow night at 11:00. tom hanks will be in the studio. here it, is your moment of zen. >> tonight i am going to tell you that jon stewart, because of what he did, is a racist. i don't believe that, but i'm going to tellcaptioning sponsory comedy central >> stephen: tonight, big news for wal-mart, not wal-mart big but big. and then animals respond to advertising. you know what they say? leg humping sells. [laughter] and my guest alexandra pelosi made a documentary about immigrants becoming u.s. citizens. i'm going to watch it backwards and make them all leave the country. [laughter] the pope wrote his first tweet today. he is truly the vessel through which god wastes time. [laughter] this is "the colbert report." ["the colbert repor captioning sponsored by comedy central ( theme song playing ) ( applause ) [cheers and applause] >> stephen: thank you very much. very kind. [cheers and applause] welcome to the report, everybody. thank you for joining us. [cheers and applause] thank you so much. [cheers and applause] tha
>> jon: that's our show, join us tomorrow night at 11:00. kid rock is going to be here. here is your moment of zen. >> the defense is sloppy and these could have been asked the first three times they called him to the stand. this defense is like a fart in a blizzard. captioning sponsored by comedy central captioned by media access group at wgbh access.wgbh.org >> stephen: tonight surprising revelations about the beatles. they may have run out of new formats in which you must rebuy all their music. and now the natural gas industry tries to counter bad press. i suggest blaming the gas on the dog dog. slav (laughter) >> then i sit down with the founding publisher of skeptic magazine, or so he claims (laughter) >> a new study found that men like to cuddle and another new study shows that men will say anything to dpet a researcher into bed. this is "the colbert report." (cheers and applause) captioning sponsored by comedy central ( theme song playing ) ( applause ) (cheers and applause) >> stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! >> stephen: wow! >> stephen, stephen,
( cheers and applause ) >> jon: that's our show. join us tomorrow night i believe at 11:00. luis c.k.will be in the studio with us. unfortunately you people will not. here it is your moment of zen. >> found a place to cool off. >> surfing the seal river. check that out. have you ever seen anything like that? >> new york city plans to feed geese to the homeless. the city will actually send the birds captured around its airports to pennsylvania to a >> stephen: tonight the fcc rules about whether i can talk about my pac on the air. spoilary all right, i'm talking about my pac on the air. then, can we trust pakistan to find out i'll close my eyes and fall into their arms. (laughter) >> stephen: and my guest timothy garton ash believes reporting the facts can change the course of history. then again, so can wikipedia. a french couple has adopted a 265 pound gor la. and in tomorrow's news, a french couple is malled by newly orphanned gor la. this is "the colbert report." captioning sponsored by comedy central ( theme song playing ) ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: welcome to the repo
>> jon: that's our show. join us next week at 11:00. here it, is your moment of zen. >> this is the last time that there's ever going to be harry potter film premier. it's like the end of an era. >> oh, my gosh, i'm so >> stephen: tonight, will a scandal bring down rupert murdoch? no. then a new threat from gitmo detainees. if they get any more dangerous, we might have to charge them with something. and my guest is jose antonio vargas, who recently admitted being an illegal immigrant. my original guest was the american whose job he stole. who has two thumbs and is incredibly bad at gesturing at himself? this is "the colbert report." captioning sponsored by comedy central [theme song playing] [cheering and applause] >> stephen: thank you for joining us, everybody. [audience chanting "stephen"] oh, that's nice. thank you for joining us. you know, once these people... once these people start chanting my name, you can't stop them. [laughter] folks, i want to say hello to everybody watching in america, especially to our viewers in italy. welcome. [cheering and applause] b
. >> all right. >> jon: he --. >> stephen: he told me. >> why doesn't he talk to me. >> stephen: because you don't believe. >> but if being talked to depends on whether i believe or not that means it doesn't really exist, it's all up here in my head which is the point in my book which it is all up here. >> stephen: oh, book. michael shermer thank you so much. the book is the beliefing brain. we'll be right back. ok, people. show me the best way to design a vacation on a budget with expedia. make it work. booking a flight by itself is an uh-oh. see if we can "stitch" together a better deal. that's a hint, antoine. ooh! see what anandra did? booking your flight and hotel at the same time gets you prices hotels and airlines won't let expedia show separately. book it. major wow factor! where you book matters. expedia. of a subway® bbq pulled pork sub. brace yourself for the big, bold taste tender, succulent slow-cooked pork with sweet and smoky barbecue sauce, all on freshly baked bread. subway. eat fresh®. of a subway® bbq pulled pork sub. brace yourself for the big, bold taste tender, s
( cheers and applause ) >> jon: that's our show. join us tomorrow night at 11:00. here it is your moment of zen. captioning sponsored by comedy central captioned by test. >> stephen: tonight, is there too much money in politics? nope. then everyone's talking about the news corp. phone hacking scandal. i foe because i checked their voice-mails. and my guest john prendergast is here to talk about the two-week old nation of south sudan. i will ask how long till it loses that new country smell. congratulations to the japanese's women soccer team for rescuing america from the brink of caring about soccer. this is "the colbert report." captioning sponsored by comedy central ( theme song playing ) (cheers and applause) (cheers and applause) >> stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! (cheers and applause) >> stephen: thank you very much! welcome to the report. thank you so much. good to you have with us. nation, you know i love a summer blockbuster weekend. i took the kids, brought our own snacks, quick tip, don't let the theatres gouge you on popc
(cheers and applause). >> jon: that's our show. tomorrow night at 11:00, steve carell will be here. here is your moment of zen. >> i'm hanging around with my captioning sponsored by comedy central ( theme song playing ) (cheers and applause) >> stephen: welcome to the "report," everybody! change for joining us. (crowd chanting "stephen") (cheers and applause) nicely done. nicely done. yes. thank you so much. welcome to the "report," everybody. thank you for joining us. thank you in here; out there. and, folks, this crawl down here is my way of thanking these heroes for donating to my super pac. each and every one of them is as precious to me as one of my children who has given money to me. (laughter) folks, this year colbert nation is going to be a player in the election. now, i'm on record as saying i think newt gingrich is the guy. (laughter) but i think i may have to eat a little crow. or whatever it is that newt's been eating. (laughter) i'm going to say oreo cakesters. (laughter) the former speaker of the house announced his candidacy back in may and he hasn't been seen much s
. hotels.com. be smart. book smart. >> jon: that's our show. join us tomorrow night at 11:00. another guest will be here. [laughter] i don't... i can't think of the name. here it is, your moment of zen. >> she's actually very talented. if you go to the end of the hbo special, the lady gaga hbo special and you watch her sing a cappella "born this way," she captioning sponsored by comedy central captioned by media access group at wgbh access.wgbh.org captioning sponsored by comedy central ( theme song playing ) ( applause ) [cheers and applause] >> stephen: very nice. [cheers and applause] [crowd chanting stephen] [cheers and applause] thank you so much, ladies and gentlemen. thank you for is joining us. that is the pure uncut stuff you just gave me. i wish i could cook you people up in a spoon. folks, we are only 16 months away from the 2012 presidential election. i'm as excited as a kid on the 483rd night before christmas. [laughter] and what's got me jazzed is that the republican field is brimming with superstars. i don't know how i'll decide between the ten of them. it's like an all-you-c
you find a good one, tell me about him. >> where might i look. >> stephen: jon stewart. (laughter) he's really funny. he's really funny. let me ask you, political writing from a decade without a name this past decade, you mean. >> it's a weird decade which in a way begins with 9/11 and i think ends on the fourth of november 2008 when barack obama was elected president. and i think the very different agenda comes because obama's election comes with a financial and economic crisis. and suddenly that whole narrative which is that we're living through the fourth world war, that world history for the next 20, 30 years will is all going to be about the battle with islamist terrorism t doesn't seem to be quite like that any more. >> stephen: what is the battle? where is the fourth world war? >> i'm not sure. let's hope there isn't the fourth world war but what i do think, i have an account in this book of a very extraordinary meeting with george w bush in the early summer of 2001. don't look like that. >> stephen: hi an extraordinary meeting with him too once. but go ahead. >> i want to hear
(cheers and applause). >> jon: that's our w! join us tomorrow night at 11:00. here it is, your moment of zen. >> for halloween, diehards it's never too early to start costume planning. no top sick off limits even if it means having the most shocking costumes. you've got to see it. captioning sponsored by comedy central captioned by media access group at wgbh access.wgbh.org it mean to be poor in america? wait about a week and we might all find out. (laughter) then showdown over the debt ceiling. will democrats cave or simply crumble? (laughter) and my guest, brooke gladstone is a radio host with a new graphic novel. maybe someday she'll put sound with pictures. (laughter) nasa has found volcanos on the dark side of the moon-- and they erupt in sync the wizard of oz. (laughter) this is "the colbert report." captioning sponsored by comedy central ( theme song playing ) ( applause ) >> stephen: welcome to the "report," everybody. thank you so much. is (crowd chanting "stephen") >> stephen: thank you so much. thank you for joining us. thank you, folks. you know, that is really love
's right. >> stephen: jesus misses you. >> all right. >> jon: he --. >> stephen: he told me. >> why doesn't he talk to me. >> stephen: because you don't believe. >> but if being talked to depends on whether i believe or not that means it doesn't really exist, it's all up here in my head which is the point in my book which it is all up here. >> stephen: oh, book. michael shermer thank you so much. the book is the beliefing brain. brain. we'll be right back. ...was it something big? ...or something small? ...something old? ...or something new? ...or maybe, just maybe... it's something you haven't seen yet. the 2nd generation of intel core processors. stunning visuals, intelligent performance. this is visibly smart. met an old man at the top asked him if he had a secret and the old man stopped and thought and said: free 'cause that's how it ought to be my brother credit 'cause you'll need a loan for one thing or another score 'cause they break it down to one simple number that you can use dot to take a break because the name is kinda long com in honor of the internet that it's on put it all
[cheers and applause] >> jon: that's our show. join us tomorrow night at 11:00. here it is your moment of zen. >> first lady michelle was seen ordering a cheesebugger, fries captioning sponsored by comedy central captioned by media access group at wgbh access.wgbh.org >> tonight will america default on its debt? and if so, will canada let us crash on their couch for a while? then, a fresh young face for the republican party. he's only 235 years old. [laughter] and my guest david mccullough has a new book about americans in paris. sounds like somebody wants to deduct his vacation. [laughter] a six-year-old beauty queen has retired. i'm not surprised -- she was starting to get crow's dimples. this is "the colbert report." captioning sponsored by comedy central ["the colbert report" theme music playing] [cheers and applause] thank you very much. woo! woo! boom boom boom boom! [cheers and applause] [crowd chanting stephen] [cheers and applause] welcome to the report. good to have you with us. that kind of chanting makes me want to say, you are the man! but -- [laughter] i don't want
>> jon: that's our show. join us tomorrow night at 11:00. here it is, your moment of zen. >> we have a lot more for you right after this. ♪ you know you make me want to shout ♪ kick my heels up and shout throw my hands up andcaptioningy comedy central captioned by media access group at wgbh access.wgbh.org captioning sponsored by comedy central ["the colbert report" theme music playing] [cheers and applause] [crowd chanting stephen] >> stephen: nice! [cheers and applause] nice! [cheers and applause] welcome to the report. [cheers and applause] thank you so much. thank you. [cheers and applause] welcome to the report. good to have you with us. folks -- [cheers and applause] we've got to get to this news. [cheers and applause] folks -- [cheers and applause] thank you so much. i understand. believe me i understand the feeling. this is how i start my day. [cheers and applause] folks we've got to get to it because america is rapidly approaching a day of reckoning that will have massive implications for all of us. because tomorrow is the deadline for owners of the nissan leaf to s
>> jon: that's our show. join us next week at 11:00. so there you have it. finally. stop with the letters and the cards and the e-mails. we had the mckinley guy on. done. [cheering and applause] here it is, your moment of zen. >> honest to god, my favorite no peanut butter. stracaptioning sponsored by comedy central captioned by media access group at wgbh access.wgbh.org >> tonight, should students be taught gay history? only if they're teaching that gay is history. [laughter] then a controversy at the "today show." the cooking segment got out of control and they ate matt lauer. and my guest will discuss his book "incognito: the secret lives of the brain." if i find out my brain has been seeing another skull, i will be pissed. you say potato, i say who are you and why are you saying "potato" to me? this is "the colbert report." captioning sponsored by comedy central [theme song playing] [cheering and applause] [awed -- audience chanting "stephen"] >> stephen: welcome to "the report." thank you. thank you. welcome to "the report." ladies and gentlemen, thank you for joinin
>> jon: that's all for today's dr. oz show. [laughter] join me tomorrow when i have an abscess drained. [laughter] by catherine zeta-jones. here it is, your moment of zen. [babies crying] >> you okay, baby? >> they're fighting over a bottle. >> oh, no. oh. >> oh, yeah. >> can i get a quick picture? >> come on. captioning sponsoredy comedy central captioned by media access group at wgbh access.wgbh.org >> stephen: tonight, i await the fec's decision on my pac. change is coming -- and hopefully a lot of large bills too. [laughter] then, a survey names america's least active city. it's a big announcement, so put on your formal sweatpants. [laughter] and my guest, gary sinise is here to talk about entertaining the troops. luckily, this is their favorite show. [laughter] every time god closes a door, he opens a window. clearly, he's not the one paying for air conditioning. [laughter] this is "the colbert report." captioning sponsored by comedy central ["the colbert report" theme music playing] [cheers and applause] thank you very much. [cheers and applause] [crowd channeling stephen
Search Results 0 to 45 of about 46 (some duplicates have been removed)

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